Breaking the cycle

Crying in the stairwell

Sometimes you hurt others. Sometimes others hurt you. Sometimes, you hurt yourself.

I can’t post this on my normal tumblr. Because I know you’ll see it. And I don’t want you to be sad. Because me being sad, makes you sad. And I’m sad, of my own doing. It’s not because of you, it has nothing to do with you. I don’t want you being sad to. I rather I just keep it to myself; I’ve been strong for so long it’s part of me already. Sure, it hurts. But I know that pain will subside, everything comes to pass. And I don’t know if you’ll understand that..so I rather at least one of us be happy.

I can’t fake it though. I just can’t. Maybe I just didn’t try hard enough, because every part of me was just screaming out to ease this feeling. Enduring tuition was bad enough. Choir concert induced a fresh bout of tears during the song by Billy Joel. 

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I’ve held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It’s just as well for all I’ve seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That’s if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

Even if I have you by my side. This is still something that I cannot change, you cannot change. None of us can. So all I can do is endure.

Time to sleep. And hope that maybe, just maybe. Tomorrow will be a brighter day.

crying alone tonight.

Day 1 - your best friend

Heh. This will just be to one of my very many good friends because if I were to write letters to all of them, I wouldn’t be able to go to sleep tonight.

When I got close to you, it was for a really, really weird reason. Sec 2 was one of the turning points in my life, and getting to know you then was one of the best things to happen to me in that year. You helped me through my immaturity, and I found out all about love <3

Then sec 3 and 4, you weren’t in the same class as me anymore and we weren’t as close. But even then, you still asked me over to your house a LOT and we’d go swimming and have fun and GOSSIP and watch glee/bones and it would make me very happy.

And last year, you wrote all those letters to me and shared with me your feelings and things about things from the past, it really meant a lot because I had no freaking clue what to do and having you there made me a lot stronger than I could ever have been.

To me, you’re one of the awesomest people I know, and you have always been there for me. And I’ll always be here for you. So have heart, I love you (: